My dad had a question he asked when I was a kid. What will the future be for you? There was so much emphasis put on this question, and quite a bit of priority. So much so that it was a much debated topic of discussion. I did not ever really understand the purpose of that question growing up, or what it meant to him, but it is certainly one that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Maybe that was the point. Perhaps that is why he incorporated the idea into so many things. Maybe its only purpose was to make me think.
My life has been nothing short of a train wreck at certain points. I’m flawed in the fact that I follow my heart into everything no matter what my brain is saying. I like to tell myself that I’m a logical person, and about most things I just might be. The truth of the matter is that when it comes to all things “life”, I have no idea what I’m doing. I dive in and hope for the best.
Baggage, kids, divorce and bitter exes, work, college, life choices. These are all circumstances that can both enrich and hinder life. They define our history, values, and give us direction. They tell a story of who we were and who we have become. For some of us, it is these things that will determine what works out, and what will not. Sometimes the path doesn’t quite go the complete distance in a life decision even if you want it to. Sometimes our circumstances are not permissive to a happy ending.
Life is trial and error. Either things work or they don’t. Some might say this is a lack of investing, or a complete misunderstanding of what it is to live. I can see how that might be true, but life is unpredictable. So flexibility is key.
One of the bigger mistakes we make is assigning expectation to everything. Expectation of what everything should be, how everything should work out, and how it should end…this, I believe, is the mistake we make when entering into anything in life. We fail to let things just be what they are supposed to be. Sometimes life isn’t as simple as working through problems. Sometimes it is not as simple as walking away.
There are no rules when it comes to life. There are no rules when it comes to love.
Some relationships, like paths in life, are catastrophic and doomed from the start. Some are so amazing that songs and books are written about them. Some last, and some end. All are meaningful in their own ways.
Some paths are simply not meant to last a lifetime. They are meant to teach us something. Each is defined in unique ways. Sure, this could just be some bullshit justification for everything that ends, but then it all but destroys an experience to entertain that thought, doesn’t it?
Everything might be worth the effort if there is progress, but why do we fight logic when no progress is made?
I don’t know what my future holds exactly, but I know that I do not intend to live life holding on to things that are not meant for me. This has come with the understanding of what I want out of life, and realizing that there comes a time when I have to let certain things go if it is not helping to achieve that end.
We throw old underwear out when the elastic is worn on them because they are so loose they now slide down into our jeans and make everything uncomfortable. However, when it comes to life decisions, we have difficulty letting go of circumstances when they become too uncomfortable.
We cannot rationalize “getting rid” of a relationship or an unproductive path in life when we’ve outgrown it, or it has outgrown us. In life and love, there are times when logic eludes us.
Sometimes things become so much work that we lose sight of why we started them in the first place. Some things become so worn out that we can’t make room for better fitting things because we refuse to clean out the underwear drawer. Everything might be worth the effort if there is progress, but why do we fight logic when no progress is made?
Not every encounter or path in life is worth every drop of energy we have. Still, there are those causes that justify the sacrifice of every bit of energy one possesses.
Ideally, we could live and love, realize that certain things don’t work for us, and move on. Yet, so many of us hold on to things that are not meant for us. We cling tightly to them because we fear what letting go might mean. Did we quit something without ever really giving it a chance? Or did we listen to what our head was telling us when things didn’t exactly fit?
Perhaps it was not a failure, but a success because we knew better than to linger for too long.
Inevitably, we are drenched in guilt. Whether we hold on, or let go.
Why the pressure to perform in life? Why do we string ourselves out forcing things to work that don’t? Why do we feel like such failures when we walk away in search of things that do fulfill us? I have to wonder when a decision stops being a labor of love, and becomes a bleeding out of everything we are. Where is the point that it becomes okay to let go?
Every break-up is difficult. Whether it involves a job, a friend, a life course, or a lover. It doesn’t matter how long you were together. Someone’s hearts is bound to break. This is a side effect of putting everything out there, and a fair exchange for the experience gained. This is the price of planning, or living a future.
I’ve often wondered why walking away from something is, at times, considered to be cowardly. The fact is, this is a personal decision for us all. We are given this one life to make it everything we want it to be, and our future rests solely on the choices we make.
Our decisions are the only thing we have any real control over. Not the results, not the best laid plans, because life is a crap shoot.
I’m quite uncertain of what the future will be for me, but it has been a fun question to contemplate. It has absolutely been an experiment gone awry in ways, but it has also opened up new doors.
Most days I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m just making decisions and seeing where I end up. That’s kind of just life for most of us, isn’t it? Some are incredibly stupid decisions, and some have been really good ones. Some I’ve made out of fear, warranted or not, and others have been made in the complete understanding that I might fail miserably.
Some days I get up and feel like I’ve got nothing to lose. Some nights I lay awake and count everything I stand to lose. Sometimes I feel sane, and other times I feel like I’m one more disaster away from losing my shit completely. I think this is how it goes while living wide open. It comes with the territory when one decides to accept things as they are.
We have zero control in the outside world. Our decisions are the only thing we have any real control over. Not the results, not the best laid plans, because life is a crap shoot. People are unpredictable. It’s a full on experiment to find the right fit, and the correct path. It means loving and losing, and living and learning, and possibly getting it right here and there. It means that you will not please everyone with your choices, but then again, it is not up to anyone else.
Maybe all of the hard lessons will be out of the way to pave the road for what you’re meant to accomplish in life. I have no idea. In the end, I believe the answer to the question is whatever answer you choose it to be. What will the future be for you? I cannot say, but I also realize that it is none of my fucking business.